


Feelings are hard (but kissing you is easy as breathing)

by BackattheBein



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Growth, Kissing, Knitting, M/M, but again the angst is minor, but it's knitting needles and no one gets hurt so, but what else is new, it's really not too bad, kiss prompt, logan is really my muse, needle mention, problems talking about emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-22 03:23:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19658260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BackattheBein/pseuds/BackattheBein
Summary: Based on an anon kiss prompt from tumblrLogan and Patton are sitting on their couch, in their apartment, sharing a lovely quiet afternoon. Except, it's a little too quiet, or rather, it's a little lonely with two feet in between them and Patton's hands wrapped up in his latest knitting project rather than Logan's hair. Can Logan get Patton's attention? Are kisses sufficiently distracting? Can Logan share what it is that he really wants? Read to find out!





	Feelings are hard (but kissing you is easy as breathing)

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to the nice anon on tumblr who requested this <3
> 
> Strangely, I had an idea in mind for this fic almost immediately, but then as I started writing it things seemed to get out of hand pretty quickly. Like I didn't expect the angst train to come in or barrel me over like it did, but here we are. I was worried that this wasn't really a good enough response to the prompt, like it wasn't sufficiently fluffy enough, and it's not totally, but that's okay. So anyways, I hope you like it.

If it was any other person, or they weren’t alone at that moment, Logan would have held his tongue indefinitely.

It was a quiet Sunday afternoon; neither of them had work to do, all the chores had been taken care of right after a lovely brunch of French toast, and they had no plans for the rest of the evening.

Well, Logan didn’t really have any plans, other than making a dent in a new astronomy book he’d picked up during their last trip to the library.

Patton, on the other hand, was still working his way through a sweater he’d promised to make their friend Virgil. He’d been working on it for about three months at this point. It was the first sweater he’d ever attempted, and despite having the right shape and size thus far, it definitely looked like a first attempt, the chunky violet threads looping together into a giant pile of something vaguely sweater-like resting on Patton’s lap.

Logan wasn’t really reading anymore, not since he’d begrudgingly realized he was feeling lonely. It boggled him, because he and Patton were sitting just a few feet away from one another, on their couch, in their apartment, all by themselves. But Patton was just so caught up in his sewing, stopping every few minutes to hit a button on an app that kept track of stitches and rows and whatnot, that he’d barely said a word to Logan since starting a few hours ago.

 _Perhaps I should see if he will pay attention if I leave the room_ , Logan speculated. It wasn’t quite dinnertime yet, but he supposed a healthy snack of some peanuts and water might be nice (or who was he kidding, pop and potato chips sounded so much better).

After gently marking his page and placing the book on the coffee table in front of him, Logan tried to discreetly stand up while also side-eyeing Patton to see how he reacted. To his irritation, Patton did hardly anything at all, his eyes momentarily flicking up to see Logan (who was working hard to look like he was hardly working) and then returning to his knitting.

Logan grumbled as he roughly grabbed a bag of chips from the counter, hard enough to crush most of the chips, and a pop from the fridge. _Might as well make it look like I had a purpose_ , Logan thought, sighing, _even if that particular experiment failed_.

Upon returning to the living room, Logan laid down the food on the table but stayed standing behind the couch. He really didn’t want to glare at his husband, but something about speaking at that moment felt grating and impossible, so he might have to settle for something more nonverbal to get the other’s attention.

Logan’s frown soon turned to a smirk as he came up with yet another grand experiment, his best plan yet, really.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_How long is it until Virgil’s birthday? Lo’s is soon, and I need time to work on something for him too, I know he could use maybe a nice sweater vest, something blue. Or maybe blue yarn that fades to black? He’s kinda edgy like Virgil, he’d like that._

_Oh, he’s getting up,_ Patton noticed, eyes briefly flicking in his direction. _Gosh, what time is it? 4:47. Almost dinner time, probably, I bet he’s getting a snack._ Patton laughed softly in the now empty room. _He’s a snacc._

As he heard soft footsteps shuffling back towards the couch, Patton began to wonder about what to make for dinner. _It’s Sunday, so maybe something simple?_ He posited, not really feeling energized enough to have a big to-do about their food. _S’pose we could order in, maybe pizza?_

Suddenly, there was a warm presence next to his, and chapped lips pressed gently to his cheek. He bounced a little in his seat, slightly jostling the sweater-to-be.

Patton looked up and tried to refocus his vision while still continuing to knit. “Logey-bear!” he exclaimed. “How was your book?”

Instead of answering, Logan hummed, moving to place a kiss on Patton’s other cheek. Patton giggled as the vibrations tickled, and then his heart practically melted when he felt Logan’s smile against his cheek.

“Aw, honey!” He cooed, dropping his knitting needles and reaching up to cup his dear husband’s face.

Logan had been slowly moving his lips around Patton’s face. At first they were chaste, little pecks on his forehead and his nose and his jawline, but they soon shifted to open-mouthed kisses that trailed across the jaw and back to his ear. Eventually, he let Patton hold his face and guide him back and away.

“Is everything okay, honeybee?” Patton asked, brushing his thumbs along Logan’s cheeks. He couldn’t quite tell what Logan was feeling behind the dark frames and deep blue irises, but he knew something was up.

Logan biting his lip essentially confirmed that gut feeling.

“It’s alright, darling. Take your time.”

Logan’s eyes slipped shut as he let out a deep, slow exhale. When he opened them again, Patton saw the vulnerability there, and he knew he would wait as long as Logan needed for him to share what was on his mind.

“You,” he started and then stopped again. “You were knitting, which is nice, and you’re very good,” at this, he paused to give his wonderful husband a shining smile that was full of love, then glanced down at the pile of yarn, now sitting abandoned in Patton’s lap. “I was reading, which I love, and it was nice how quiet it got, but,” and here, Logan trailed off, chewing his lip again.

“Was it too quiet?” Patton asked, reaching one hand up to brush back the bangs falling in Logan’s face.

Logan shook his head slightly, but it it felt more like nuzzling into Patton’s hand where it now rested against his forehead.

Suddenly realization dawned on Patton. He gathered up his knitting supplies and tossed them onto the coffee table behind Logan.

“C’mere, Logan,” he murmured, taking his hands and pulling him gently onto the couch next to him.

Logan came quickly but somehow still managed to sit stiffly, even though they were more or less touching from their shoulders to their legs.

“It feels silly,” Logan rushed out.

“What does?” Patton asked, cocking his head.

Logan couldn’t help but to half-smile at that gesture. “Asking.”

“To cuddle?”

Logan’s face fell, and so did Patton’s heart. Logan had to know that Patton would give him anything, do anything for him, if only he just asked.

“Do you know why?” Patton asked softly.

After another minute of Logan biting his lip and looking so torn, Patton offered up his advice. “It’s okay to not know, sweetheart. We can just cuddle for now, if you want.”

Logan still inexplicably looked torn.

Without hearing exactly what Logan needed, Patton was still quite lost, so he did the only thing he could think of and leaned forward, connecting them once more. He started moving his lips immediately, hoping to distract Logan’s mind from the thoughts that were probably swirling through his mind. He kept it gentle, no bites, but let their tongues and lips all twirl together, heat simmering along the edges but never overpowering.

He pulled back when he noticed that Logan wasn’t touching him like he usually did during makeout sessions. Logan only chased his lips for a moment before keeping a good distance between them.

Patton didn’t want to be upset with Logan, but his husband had gotten his attention for one reason or another, and was stubbornly refusing to give him anything to work with, so he could only do so much.

“What do you need, Lo?”

Patton was shocked to see tears accumulating in Logan’s eyes.

“Honey! What – ”

“It’s still … hard, sometimes,” said Logan, pushing his glasses on top of his head to scrub at his eyes, his hands balled up into tight fists. “Why is it still so hard?” It sounded almost like he was grinding his teeth together.

Patton could feel his heart shattering. He knew that Logan used to be so much more closed off, willfully cutting himself off from every person he knew, every relationship he’d had, that he’d denied himself so much over the years, but he’d been seeing someone now, a good therapist, and their relationship had endured, they’d gotten _married_ , and yet sometimes, Logan still struggled like the old days.

He took a deep, steadying breath. “It’s okay, Logan. Recovery isn’t a straight line, and no matter how frustrating that is, you have a whole network of people who love and support you and want to help you.” Patton watched as the words sunk in to Logan, as he took them in and mulled them over and found them to be undeniably empirically true.

A few quiet minutes passed, but the tension was gone, it felt almost like before when they had been peacefully knitting and reading.

“Hold me?” Logan finally asked in a small voice.

Patton’s response was to open his arms, which Logan fell into immediately, gratefully, completely collapsing on top of the other. Patton let out a small huff of breath at being landed on, but he wouldn’t have traded this for the world, and it hadn’t hurt anyway.

No, it had felt so wondrously right.

Patton wrapped his arms around his husband’s back, bringing one up to scratch slow circles onto his back and the other to brush through his deliciously soft hair.

“Is this better, honeybee?”

Logan nodded his head just the slightest, eyes asking for permission to go back to what he’d rather been enjoying doing earlier.

Patton gave a small nod in return, and Logan swooped in, capturing Patton’s lips. The simmering heat from earlier grew more intense as Logan quickly moved south, mouthing at Patton’s jaw and just barely scraping his teeth against his throat.

The knitting sat atop the astronomy book on the coffee table, long since blissfully abandoned.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed. Comments and kudos are always appreciated!


End file.
